We all know the feeling of air-guitaring to a glam band and enjoying an iconic dad rock anthem. Aaaand we’ve all been “caught” in our car belting out a catchy boy band single or lip-synching into a hairbrush handle when no one’s around. Whatever you prefer is perfectly fine (and we’re not judging anyone here) but are you at all curious as to what your favorite man band & boy band say about you? There’s only one way to find out.
Greta Van Fleet
If you’re younger than 30, you were born in the wrong decade. You kind of feel like no one understands you, but other than this glaring irony, you’re pretty self-aware. You understand that self-care is chilling the hell out and getting a bit funky. You unironically own (and rock) a pair of bell-bottoms. You have a thrift store rotation schedule.
If being called a boomer mildly offends you, you’re definitely cool. You’re in it for the raw talent and sincere appreciation for quality, contemporary music. The first time you heard Greta Van Fleet you probably said, “I don’t remember this Zeppelin song.” Watching kids put on a kick-ass show, and likely being proud of your kids who showed you Greta Van Fleet in the first place, makes you feel like blasting your classic rock at school pick-ups and drop-offs was totally worth it.
You definitely had a mullet in the ‘80s, and now that you think of it, your son has one too. (Yours was actually cooler, and he knows it deep down.) When “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” came out, you wished it could have been played at your senior prom 18 years before its release. You were a little too excited to see The Demon of Screamin’ as a judge in seasons 10 and 11 of American Idol, which caused your kids to eye-roll. You don’t like that Liv Tyler is so dang attractive in Lord of The Rings, but you appreciate her talent nonetheless.
You’ll never admit that you kind of like pop music because it makes you a tinge sad. You have a shirt that says, “Good Vibes” but only pull it out when you’re hanging with your family from outside of Philly (or somewhere from the True midwest.) Bopping in the grass barefoot with a beer in hand pretty much sets you free, man.
“It doesn’t get Eddie ‘Vedder’ than Pearl Jam!” is your go-to, musical one-liner joke. You enjoy volunteering your time and donating your money because it helps people, not because it makes you look good. After visiting Seattle one time, you felt “seen” and moved there the following year. When searching for tickets, you saw the sentence, “*We are honored to live and gather on the ancestral homelands of the Coast Salish peoples, in what is called Seattle, WA,” and it really got you going in a good way. Oh, and you definitely love flannel more than most.
How can everyone seem to hate the Eagles when Their Greatest Hits album went platinum 29 times in the U.S.? You ask yourself this every day and sigh. You’ll argue with anyone who’ll listen that the band members might even be more talented as solo artists than as a band. Your closet is full of plaid shirts with snap buttons, and Desperado is your go-to road trip soundtrack. You personally skip Hotel California every time it comes on because you know you’ll hear it at the bar on Friday, but if that song ever comes on the radio, you’re belting out every word.
Mom was kind of concerned about you but didn’t want to limit your creativity. Now grown, you really, really hope every teenager wearing a Nirvana shirt has a deep appreciation for true grunge and pure art and didn’t just get that “retro” band shirt from Target. You roll your eyes when someone says “the drummer from Nirvana’s kinda looks like the lead singer from Foo Fighters”. And you cried FOR MONTHS when you first heard about Kurt Cobain. No one understands why Nirvana is your sunny-day music, but it is, and your teenage kids just don’t get it.
You really like the songs that play at small grocery stores and catch yourself singing along in the cereal aisle. One part rebel, one part softie, you feel the best riding with the windows down, hands drumming on the steering wheel–no agenda and feeling free. You believe that the best way to love your country is to point out the flaws and protect its freedoms. Some people love you, and some people hate you, but everyone knows where you stand. (Yeah, you look great in a classic pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt too.)
We get it, you spend your weekends and vacation days doing philanthropy. You’ve either been a die-hard U2 fan for 40 years, or you exclusively scream their most popular songs at karaoke after one-too-many. There’s no in-between. For you, Bono can do no wrong and you occasionally defend yourself after his most cringe-worthy moments because you feel as if you and Bono are “one” and would probably be best friends if he ever got to meet you. Like the band, you’re often a paradox – “kind of” an anti-capitalist who also loves a good Starbucks latte.
You’re younger than 25, but you have awesome music taste…or TikTok. Pick one: A) You’re multilingual. B) You think listening to German music makes you obscure. Or C) You really like cover songs because they quell your anxiety because you know what to expect but with a twist.
Kings of Leon
“Sex on Fire” and “Use Somebody” are your LEAST favorite Kings of Leon songs because the music doesn’t remind you of their wild garage band days even though you’re probably California-sober now. You love stadium singalongs and sleek production, but still enjoy a raw aesthetic and anything remotely considered “Southern Rock.” And you were going to name your firstborn son Leon at one point, but you had a daughter instead. What’s up, Leona?
Empire of the Sun
Nothing excites you more than wearing elaborate hats to music festivals…except maybe playing the cheap synth that you overpaid for when you were single. Your living room wall is adorned with, like, a huge painting containing one single, blue square? No one knows why it’s there, including you, but you feel a bit angry when the painting comes up in conversation for some reason.
You wanted the *NSYNC marionettes for any gift-giving holiday–for sure. (And because you never got them, you literally begged your mom to stop by McDonald’s for a Happy Meal to collect all of the Britney Spears and *NSYNC CD’s–or you might have driven yourself through the drive-thru to get a CD of your own.) A friendly reminder to take care of your skin and drink lots of water–That goes for the BaCkStrEeT BoYs fans too.
Boyz II Men
B2M is either your favorite for two reasons: 1) You miss your high school sweetheart and the sweet moments you shared at your first slow dance. No shame. 2.) You appreciate the sheer influence of Boys II Men for helping hip hop and R&B grow in the mainstream. You only watched This Is Pop because of their feature on the first episode.
New Kids on the Block
The Blockhead bed sheet set is somewhere in the attic of your childhood home–along with all of the ripped magazine posters that you taped above your bed and hastily removed before you had a boy over for the first time. As far as your spouse knows, you “considered spending” $70 on pre-sale access just to buy tickets when for the reunion tour, yet you happened to score THE MOST AMAZING TICKETS EVER. Probably a little chaotic (but always fun.)
You’re trendy but in a really good way. With 40 million in the BTS ARMY, you’re probably one of them. Not afraid to roll up your sleeves or take to Twitter, you care about making positive change in the world and believe in doing the best you can do each day. A ray of sunshine, positivity, and adorableness.
You had to Google all of the words before chocolate in their song “Chocolate.” (Words: Hey now, call it a split, because you know that you will / Oh, oh, you bite your friends like chocolate.) What does that even mean? You talk in an English accent when you need something done for you because you think it makes your request funnier. Pretty easy-going.
You understand that burning a CD was a common practice, but you don’t get it. Your inner 7th grader cried when they broke up during your senior year in 2016. You used to not like Harry Styles as much as the others, but now you would literally DIE to be the dresses he wears only once.
The Backstreet Boys
Are you okay with the possibility of low-rise jeans coming back? You bought your high school boyfriend white, baggy pants and a white collared jacket for his birthday. And you asked him to get frosted tips for his senior pictures. The amount of times you played “I Want It That Way” just to cry is embarrassingly high but also extremely relatable.
The Jonas Brothers
You wore gauchos, flip-flops, and a sequined shrug to a Jonas Brothers’ concert thinking that one of them would pick you. One day, years later, you got a text from your middle school best friend that said, “I thought it would be the year 3,000 before I could ask you this…but can I pick you up at 7 and instead of seeing a movie, we’ll go see The Jonas Brothers?” You replied, “I’ll be ready in one, two, three, four, five, six minutes.”
Feeling personally responsible for The Vamps being known in the United States, you get a bit annoyed when someone says, “The who??” knowing full well The Who is one of your dad’s favorite bands. You wanted all of your high school boyfriends to wear folded bandanas around their swoopy hair.
Every time the lyric, “Man, that thing you got behind you is amazing,” came on, you felt personally complimented by Jesse McCartney himself. You’re not too concerning, true neutral. You probably meal prep every week, and your most worrisome moment during your developmental years was not passing your driver’s test the first time.
What do wombats look like? You have no idea. You take slight pride in loving a band whose song “Let’s Dance to Joy Division” won an NME award for “Best Dancefloor Filler” in 2008. You know first-hand what it means to “get college girl drunk,” and screamed that part of the song at the top of your lungs (at approximately 3 frat parties and 1 very public brunch. Then you stopped screaming that part.)
5SOS (5 Seconds of Summer)
Oooh, you’re edgy, huh? You bought enough American Apparel underwear to last until your mid-twenties, but not enough to keep them from going bankrupt…twice. Your jean collection is exclusively ripped skinnies. Vans.
Listen to Good JuJu Playlists on Spotify. (Catch the Boy Band Vs. Man Band playlist here.)